Tag Archives: professional life

Real Marriage Equality

I keep hearing about this preacher out West who is being arrested for refusing to perform a same sex marriage.  This is where I knew that the gay marriage cause was going to go and the biggest reason that marriage should have never become a service of the state.  For better or worse, when this country was founded, it was a bit more of a religious time, and marriage was a huge part of day to day life.  As much as the founding fathers wanted to separate church and state, this became a function for the state to recognize what was or was not a marriage.  They were government functions, and most of the WASPs that were in the country at the time could not foresee where we have taken relationships to in the modern era.  But that is not the point of freedom.  We have to imagine all possibilities and say that even these things that we haven’t even thought of yet, they will be protected and they will remain free.

As I have mentioned in many other places, I am Pagan and proudly so.  I have a faith where being in a relationship, even one defined as a marriage, where monogamy is not a tenant.  Now, no matter what your personal convictions are, I am a firm believer that people will always do as much as they can get away with when it suits them.  In states where “adultery” is legally defined as having sex outside of the person that you are married to, and committing adultery can forfeit your assets to the “injured” party,  people will lie when it suits them.  Relationships end for all kinds of reasons, open and monogamous alike.  It is not up for a court to decide that just because an open marriage doesn’t work, to get to give a moral say just because one party has proof.  We all know that these kinds of morality laws are on the books from state to state.  In Maryland here, it is illegal to have premarital sex in a hotel room.  Now we justify that such things are never enforced, but the point is that they have every bit as much legal merit as not murdering, and if someone ever made a case against you, then there is little to nothing that you can do.

That is why this preacher being arrested scares me.  He was simply practicing his faith.  I am not saying that the government should not allow this gay couple to wed, but how is it not a vendictive action to go after someone that disagrees with you, is practicing their own freedoms, and you choose to infringe on them and then make him have to hire lawyers and go through all this legal mess.  It isn’t as if the preacher was a state employee, but the case here is that he did have a state licence to perform marriages.  State sanctioned religion.  It will never end well, and no matter what the legal decision ends up being, you are going to have a decision in it that will be looked at and used against the American people putting more stupid laws on the books that infringe our rights.

The Anorexic

I really haven’t given much of an update in a while as to what I’m up to.  My most recent project is a documentary that I was hired to do regarding the state of Maryland’s taking the child of a family because the child had anorexia and had complications resulting from the disorder.  The child had already been in treatment, prior to the state’s involvement.  Going into this, I knew that there were a lot of questions that would need to be asked, especially regarding why the state felt like they needed to take the child away, which can become a rather hairy subject when the person paying the bills is the person who is going to be under a great amount of scrutiny, hypothetically paying me thousands of dollars to make a two hour inditement of him being a bad parent, and yet he was steadfast in the truth that the government is overstepping their bounds and that other parents should be aware of what is going on, though his politics are a bit right of my own (proud centrist) I can definitely appreciate a parent that is upset and lashing out.

His reasoning is to give more red tape to the government before they are able to separate children from their parents with his case hopefully being heard by the supreme court in Maryland.  After a few interviews and background discussion with educators and people in the medical field, they have very mixed opinions, as they believe it to be already too difficult with so many children being abused at home or being neglected.  Some of the points I will be exploring is the way in which once the state takes custody of a child, the state then appoints a lawyer to represent the child to the state, when that lawyer does not take into account the wishes of the child.  The state giving out bonuses for children to be taken away from their homes to social workers.  Why the state has their doctor give the prognosis of children in question, even in cases that go beyond that doctor’s scope of practice, and more so that when other medical professionals regard that prognosis, that there are no repercussions?

I have to say that it is still too early to give my opinion.  There are many questions I want answered on both sides and totally understand why many people are so suspicious of his claims, and see how some could see the parent as bringing this situation on himself, but look forward to talking with the other side’s legal team soon and look forward to sharing my conclusions.

Dexter

I’m often asked, I think it stems mostly from stupid college entrance exam questions, what fictional character most represents me.  My answer has always been Dexter, from the TV show Dexter.  This seems to scare people, and I kind of get that.  I mean the whole purpose of the show is that you have a likable character that is moving to the dark side, which is kind of the modern television story arch that has been seen on many other popular television shows like Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy.  The supposed tragic path of the fallen hero.  These shows are designed so that the audience basically roots for the bad guy in a kind of wish fulfillment, though at the end of the day we all know that they are going to have to pay the piper for all of the bad deeds they have done.  We all wish that we could kill the annoying people in our lives at some people.  I think this kind of story thread is most evident in the first season, when Dexter’s girlfriend’s ex husband shows up and makes things difficult for everyone.  I get why it would be just so much easier to kill him than deal with him.  There are people in my life that I wish would just go away, but that isn’t what I am talking about.  I haven’t killed or planned to kill any of the such people in my life in a serious way.  The reason I identify with Dexter to the extent in which I do, is that he doesn’t fit into society.

There are lots of other characters that don’t fit in society in literature and film.  Salinger was ripe with such characters and while I do love Salinger, and think that he is a far better writer in many ways than the show runners of Dexter, especially in the latter seasons, Dexter is unique is that he doesn’t really have any desire to be a part or to be separate from society.  Dexter is an amalgamation of personal impulses and personal rules to govern them.  Because he is so different from society, he has to fake so much of his life so that he doesn’t freak people out.  I, as mentioned previously, have Asperger.  I also was horribly abused as a child, and have had a rather rough life since then.  I don’t say any of this to complain.  It is the only life that I know, and I’m sure that there are people in the third world that would laugh at my struggles.  I have also had a pretty amazing life, but when I talk about the dark parts of myself, there has only ever been one person that has ever listened to what I had to say and related to it.  Most people are instantly revolted or shocked.  Some are sympathetic and want to be a shoulder for you to cry on, but most just look dumbfounded, as if this new information does not compute within the framework of their existence.

There has been a rather strong division in me to do what is morally right for people that I care nothing about.  It takes a lot for me to find value in a person.  I generally don’t like people.  There are individuals that I care immensely for, but you have to earn that in my book.  Unlike Dexter in the initial seasons, I do long for the kind of lifelong romantic connection that he has with Hannah in the latter seasons.  While there was much more about big bads and getting away with things in the early seasons, it was really his trying to find himself in the latter seasons that I found to be the most interesting.  Season 5, for its flaws, was the first time that he found someone that he could relate to, after the most he had really hoped to achieve for himself was to be able to propperly fake it with a family, mirroring the Trinity killer from Season 4.  While I don’t love season 6, I really did enjoy the religious angle and how Dexter could relate to such things, and wish that many of those themes had carried over into the final seasons.  I think one of my favorite moments of the series was Batista talking to Dexter about faith and God.  The last seasons seemed to be in too much of a hurry, cutting out those little moments of awkwardness that let you know just who Dexter was, and that he was never really going to be normal, so he had to focus on the things that he could be in control of.

Network Dating

A friend of mine brought this up to me, as she is really trying to find the man of her dreams.  She really wants this, but is also, and rightfully so, not willing to settle.  She rights her own dating blog, and is very successful with it.  I might mention it later, but don’t want to try and run this on her coat tails.  She has become an actress that I work with, but we started out dating.  The dating thing didn’t go very far, but we had a lot in common and it has been great working together when she has time for my projects.  She is my muse in a lot of ways.  I have made some connections this way.  You go out on a date, and before you know it, you feel close enough that you are willing to do each other professional favors.  You need a lot of those in the entertainment media business.  You help work and build each other’s portfolios.

The flip side of that, which my friend pointed out, is that you never really know if you are dating or networking.  Networking is a huge part of what we do.  Sometimes it is not about having the best ideas, as everyone in the field has ideas, some brilliant, most not, but about getting those ideas to the people who are going to promote your projects and get them out there.  I go to bars now, not to drink, because you don’t want to come off as too much of a party person, but to just meet people and tell them about my story.  I kind of hate it and resent that I have to do it, but it is part of the job.  Along those lines, I talk to a lot of people.  We conference to more greatly go over ideas.  By the nature of two people having drinks or a meal together, sometimes one or both gets the wrong idea.  I’ve had men who assumed that I’m gay, I’m not, who thought me being a film maker was just a ploy.  Some women who I have no interest in tend to think I’m flirting when I’m not, to assume that I’m a creep.  I’ve had girls that I have worked with, who I respected very much, that I would have done anything to be in a relationship with them.  It has come up after we stopped working together and they were with someone else, and they had no idea.

Another big issue is that I am not going to go after someone completely as long as there is a chance that we are going to work together.  There are things about myself that I enjoy, that I would never just share to a crew of people, because it is none of their business, and I’m going to be more reserved.  I went on a date once with an actress, and she told me at the end of the date that she preferred aggressive men, and I seemed rather laid back and timid.   Generally, I am the opposite, but I didn’t want to scare of her wanting to work with me later.  A similar thing happened not too long ago when I went on a date with a girl I met online.  We had talked for a while, and she worked at a company that I really wanted to work at in the same field as me, and she said she could get me a job, hours before our first date.  Now, for the date, I’m again on my best behavior.  Despite that we had been talking for months, this is a job that pays a lot of money.  By the end, she lost that connection with me, and receded her offer to help me get the job.

I have dated actresses and photographers that worked with me before.  I had an ex girlfriend that I have stayed close to over the years tell me how unprofessional that appeared from the outside.  And while I completely see her point, there are two points that I completely think that you have to consider.   The first is that I would love to have a long term relationship that I worked with in this field.  i love to talk about my work and my stories, and would love to have a muse that I could come to at home, and work with.  The second is that so much of my life revolves around work, that it would be nice to have that person in that work.  If my partner is not, they often feel completely left out by my schedule, especially at night.  But there is the risk of offending the cast/crew with favoritism and people in this industry are often rather flaky.

In terms of me giving advice or telling you how to do this, I don’t feel that I am in a position to tell anyone else how to live their life.  I can give you my experience and warn you of the dangers that I have seen or encountered, but I am not where I want to be.  I am sure that there are other better ways to get the job done.  I would love to have advice myself, but like anything else, you learn from doing, so my only advice is to get out there and work at it.