I’m often asked, I think it stems mostly from stupid college entrance exam questions, what fictional character most represents me. My answer has always been Dexter, from the TV show Dexter. This seems to scare people, and I kind of get that. I mean the whole purpose of the show is that you have a likable character that is moving to the dark side, which is kind of the modern television story arch that has been seen on many other popular television shows like Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy. The supposed tragic path of the fallen hero. These shows are designed so that the audience basically roots for the bad guy in a kind of wish fulfillment, though at the end of the day we all know that they are going to have to pay the piper for all of the bad deeds they have done. We all wish that we could kill the annoying people in our lives at some people. I think this kind of story thread is most evident in the first season, when Dexter’s girlfriend’s ex husband shows up and makes things difficult for everyone. I get why it would be just so much easier to kill him than deal with him. There are people in my life that I wish would just go away, but that isn’t what I am talking about. I haven’t killed or planned to kill any of the such people in my life in a serious way. The reason I identify with Dexter to the extent in which I do, is that he doesn’t fit into society.
There are lots of other characters that don’t fit in society in literature and film. Salinger was ripe with such characters and while I do love Salinger, and think that he is a far better writer in many ways than the show runners of Dexter, especially in the latter seasons, Dexter is unique is that he doesn’t really have any desire to be a part or to be separate from society. Dexter is an amalgamation of personal impulses and personal rules to govern them. Because he is so different from society, he has to fake so much of his life so that he doesn’t freak people out. I, as mentioned previously, have Asperger. I also was horribly abused as a child, and have had a rather rough life since then. I don’t say any of this to complain. It is the only life that I know, and I’m sure that there are people in the third world that would laugh at my struggles. I have also had a pretty amazing life, but when I talk about the dark parts of myself, there has only ever been one person that has ever listened to what I had to say and related to it. Most people are instantly revolted or shocked. Some are sympathetic and want to be a shoulder for you to cry on, but most just look dumbfounded, as if this new information does not compute within the framework of their existence.
There has been a rather strong division in me to do what is morally right for people that I care nothing about. It takes a lot for me to find value in a person. I generally don’t like people. There are individuals that I care immensely for, but you have to earn that in my book. Unlike Dexter in the initial seasons, I do long for the kind of lifelong romantic connection that he has with Hannah in the latter seasons. While there was much more about big bads and getting away with things in the early seasons, it was really his trying to find himself in the latter seasons that I found to be the most interesting. Season 5, for its flaws, was the first time that he found someone that he could relate to, after the most he had really hoped to achieve for himself was to be able to propperly fake it with a family, mirroring the Trinity killer from Season 4. While I don’t love season 6, I really did enjoy the religious angle and how Dexter could relate to such things, and wish that many of those themes had carried over into the final seasons. I think one of my favorite moments of the series was Batista talking to Dexter about faith and God. The last seasons seemed to be in too much of a hurry, cutting out those little moments of awkwardness that let you know just who Dexter was, and that he was never really going to be normal, so he had to focus on the things that he could be in control of.