Network Dating

A friend of mine brought this up to me, as she is really trying to find the man of her dreams.  She really wants this, but is also, and rightfully so, not willing to settle.  She rights her own dating blog, and is very successful with it.  I might mention it later, but don’t want to try and run this on her coat tails.  She has become an actress that I work with, but we started out dating.  The dating thing didn’t go very far, but we had a lot in common and it has been great working together when she has time for my projects.  She is my muse in a lot of ways.  I have made some connections this way.  You go out on a date, and before you know it, you feel close enough that you are willing to do each other professional favors.  You need a lot of those in the entertainment media business.  You help work and build each other’s portfolios.

The flip side of that, which my friend pointed out, is that you never really know if you are dating or networking.  Networking is a huge part of what we do.  Sometimes it is not about having the best ideas, as everyone in the field has ideas, some brilliant, most not, but about getting those ideas to the people who are going to promote your projects and get them out there.  I go to bars now, not to drink, because you don’t want to come off as too much of a party person, but to just meet people and tell them about my story.  I kind of hate it and resent that I have to do it, but it is part of the job.  Along those lines, I talk to a lot of people.  We conference to more greatly go over ideas.  By the nature of two people having drinks or a meal together, sometimes one or both gets the wrong idea.  I’ve had men who assumed that I’m gay, I’m not, who thought me being a film maker was just a ploy.  Some women who I have no interest in tend to think I’m flirting when I’m not, to assume that I’m a creep.  I’ve had girls that I have worked with, who I respected very much, that I would have done anything to be in a relationship with them.  It has come up after we stopped working together and they were with someone else, and they had no idea.

Another big issue is that I am not going to go after someone completely as long as there is a chance that we are going to work together.  There are things about myself that I enjoy, that I would never just share to a crew of people, because it is none of their business, and I’m going to be more reserved.  I went on a date once with an actress, and she told me at the end of the date that she preferred aggressive men, and I seemed rather laid back and timid.   Generally, I am the opposite, but I didn’t want to scare of her wanting to work with me later.  A similar thing happened not too long ago when I went on a date with a girl I met online.  We had talked for a while, and she worked at a company that I really wanted to work at in the same field as me, and she said she could get me a job, hours before our first date.  Now, for the date, I’m again on my best behavior.  Despite that we had been talking for months, this is a job that pays a lot of money.  By the end, she lost that connection with me, and receded her offer to help me get the job.

I have dated actresses and photographers that worked with me before.  I had an ex girlfriend that I have stayed close to over the years tell me how unprofessional that appeared from the outside.  And while I completely see her point, there are two points that I completely think that you have to consider.   The first is that I would love to have a long term relationship that I worked with in this field.  i love to talk about my work and my stories, and would love to have a muse that I could come to at home, and work with.  The second is that so much of my life revolves around work, that it would be nice to have that person in that work.  If my partner is not, they often feel completely left out by my schedule, especially at night.  But there is the risk of offending the cast/crew with favoritism and people in this industry are often rather flaky.

In terms of me giving advice or telling you how to do this, I don’t feel that I am in a position to tell anyone else how to live their life.  I can give you my experience and warn you of the dangers that I have seen or encountered, but I am not where I want to be.  I am sure that there are other better ways to get the job done.  I would love to have advice myself, but like anything else, you learn from doing, so my only advice is to get out there and work at it.

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